new kid on the blog

My Hapkido instructor was a victim of a crime and I seriously think, for the first time in his life (or his life as I know it), he simply couldn’t bring the said assailant down to his knees weeping and crying and calling him "daddy". I can say, with due respect sir, that he has finally found his match.

The assailant was a mobile phone virus.

Yea, I know, this is the point when people throw their hands up and go "chey!" or "hey dude, your puerile humour days are really behind you, grow up" or well, maybe you don’t even read  to this portion, which I don’t blame knowing how I haven’t used a single full stop in this paragraph so far. BUT, if you really want to know, or don’t really have a life, or trying to look busy and need something on your screen with loads of words, then read on.

Now THIS virus actually sends pornographic pictures to people in your phone list. Cool huh? Uh, I mean, errr, what kind of a jerk could do a virus like that?

Well, I don’t know how it happened but my instructor mentioned that his daughter left his phone’s bluetooth on, and that let in the virus.

I say he got lucky. When I left my blue tooth on, the only thing I got was a low battery.

ANYWAY, he had to put up a notice in the Dojang (training centre) to tell everyone that his phone was hit by a virus and all those who received any porn are the result of that. He even made a police report. Which, I say, is the right thing to do. The next right thing was going to the Nokia care centre and "reformatting" the phone.

The wrong thing, guys, is to go up to my instructor and laugh at this incident unless you think that the 4-hr wait at NUH with a broken arm is the best way to pass a weekend.

Have a nice day. And find a hobby. Please.

No idea how it happened. Washed my dobok (white Hapkido uniform), hung it up to dry, and when I took it down, saw, (cue Alfred Hitchcock’s"Psycho" music) horrors of horrors, yellow stains!!!

Darn.

It was at this moment I actually wished that Dynamo doctor looking dude was real and not some struggling actor waiting for his big break. ‘CAUSE I SO NEED HIM RIGHT NOW!!! In a, ah-hem, professional sort of way.

Dipped it into the pail again, the dobok I mean.I only hand wash my dobok, don’t trust those machines, yep, the irony. Dumped in a whole load of washing powder and a bleach and scrubbed at the stains for all that’s worth. The &*%$#@ stains didn’t even bother to budge.

The first thing I work up this morning, I ran down to rat infested Prime supermarket (don’t ask) and got a bottle (2 actually, comes in pairs) of Kiwi Stain Remover.

Followed instructions on the bottle. It says "spray on stains, leave on for a few minutes before laundering as per normal". It should actually add these line, "If this doesn’t work, YOU’RE SCREWED!" And "WHY THE ^%$*^ ARE YOU DOING YOUR OWN DAMN LAUNDRY YOU PATHETIC MORON WHEN THE REST OF YOUR COUNTRYMEN HAVE UNDERPAID FOREIGN TALENTS TO DO IT FOR THEM? NOW GO GET A LIFE AND HIRE SOMEONE. IN FACT YOU KNOW WHAT? WE MIGHT EVEN PRINT THIS IN TAGALOG NEXT TIME SO YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WE’RE LAUGHING AT YOU HAHAHA."

As you may have already guessed, it didn’t work.

Errr, yea, professional help needed.